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BEING SORRY AND STUFF.
Passion can lead you off a cliff. Even the best of intentions can be derailed in the heat of the moment. It takes a real man to admit when he has been wrong. So, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. This is the first chapter in my series of my Apology Tour. I'm sorry and also not sorry for many things, there is nuance in all of it. I've been too aggressive at times. Never mind if my heart was in the right place or not. Sometimes, it might be better not to excessively violate the freewill of others.
In this series of articles, I want to try to talk a little about people I may have wronged during the course of my life. I have a lot to say about a wide variety of topics going back to my birth in 1985 in Oregon. My intent is to best summarize a long list of situations. I want to present this for the record. I want to try to explain myself regarding many things. I may not even have the time to break it all down. I may not be Dexter Morgan but I do have a Dark Passenger in some ways. Well, everyone does. But mine wants to stand up for beliefs, feelings, opinion, truth, ideas, passion, rage, revenge.
So, again, welcome to my SORRY PAGE and I apologize for too many things or so many things. Not to say I would go back in time and not do them again. Some things that I'm sorry for I would do again and other things I wouldn't. I would probably be more patient or a wide variety of things. There is a lot of nuance and details here. It can be very hard to explain. There may have been times I was too busy for people or what have you. There may have been times I was trying to take too many shortcuts. There may have been times I've been too distracted, misguided, strong, forceful, with every fiber of my Control Freak Spirit inside. Some people may struggle with laziness, etc. But I sometimes struggle with being a workaholic, a clean freak, a control freak, a boss, etc. I may not always be sorry for what I believe but I may be sorry for how I went about trying to force people to agree with me. In life, you sometimes need to let people do wrong. That's a fabric to the meaning to life, that is freewill. I'm not always right but I do believe I'm sometimes right. But even if or when I'm right, it may be too counterproductive for me to try too hard to get others to do right or to do what I want them to do. Well, this is an overly generalized summary of some of the things I want to talk about in this series on top of probably a wide variety of things. I want to again emphasize on the nuance and the details I have here regarding too many things. Please scroll down to continue reading. Please check out the Sorry menu below for links to the different chapters to this series. The next chapter in this series is called HISTORY and it seeks to outline things relating to my life in a chronological fashion at one century at a time.
I'm currently publishing this SORRY ARTICLE POST PAGE (copying and pasting, dragging and dropping) to around 15 different websites not counting different mirror sites and apps that you may find connected to Hive, Steemit, etc. I'm sometimes banned from some social media networks, websites, places, etc, online. So, fifteen is not very many networks to post on. I've joined over a hundred websites over the years. Well, maybe even hundreds. So, this is a small percentage of places I could post on. Wordpress, Medium, Minds, etc, have BANNED me. I sometimes try joining sites again by making new accounts but I am sometimes suspended or terminated for it sometimes. So, I do the best I can as often as I can.
HOW-TO FIND SORRY
If you cannot find this article in the future, you could try to use search-engine websites and apps and different things on the Internet like Google, Bing, Yahoo, Duck Duck Go, Yandex, AOL, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Gab, Hive Blog, Flote, Minds, etc. Try different search engines. Please try to search for keywords like "JOEYARNOLDVN" + "SORRY" and click enter. That may help you find this web-page in the future. I say that because this post may someday be BROKEN. In other words, it may be hard to FIND me, my content, websites, pages, articles, photos, videos, memes, social media networks, posts, comments, ideas, conversations, music, audio, etc. It may be hard to find my articles if or when some web domains go down or when their names change. Sometimes, the exact ending to some URLs or web links may change. However, generally, I try to keep the end parts to links the same as much as I can. Some websites like Ecency, Hive Blog, Peakd, etc, don't allow for the end part of the link to be changed. So, the end part of the page will be sorry. Just that word. So, you just got know the protocol, the domain, the username, and the original name of the article to find the link. Those are four main parts to a web link on Hive Blog and some websites. The protocol may be www. or https:// or http:// and it sometimes doesn't matter which one you type. There are other protocols too but those have been the most popular ones in the 2010s as far as I know. Sometimes, you don't even need to type in a protocol. Number two is the domain name which means the name of the website. For example, Facebook dot com or YouTube dot com. That is Facebook.com for example. Currently, the main website I post to is Hive.blog. But I sometimes copy and paste my articles to other websites too. You can always steal or share my articles, content, videos, photos, memes, etc. You don't need to ask for permission to share my stuff or whatever you want. Have fun. The third part is my username which is generally JOEYARNOLDVN or @joeyarnoldvn which means my name and VN. So, my name is Joey Arnold. Plus VN which means Vietnam. Put it together in one word and no spaces. And the 4th and last part of a link would be the name of the article. So, if the name of my next article in this series is Sorry History, then the end part of the URL web link will be sorry-history. That is it. But the entire link would be https://hive.blog/@joeyarnoldvn/sorry-history on Hive and https://peakd.com/@joeyarnoldvn/sorry-history on Peakd and https://ecency.com/@joeyarnoldvn/sorry-history and so on and so forth. Same thing for Steemit, Blurt, Voilk, etc. The exact link on Dream Real and some websites may be different. But some websites follow the same pattern as Hive. If you cannot find something, try to Google my username plus keywords. Try different combinations of words. Try different versions of my name like Oatmeal Joey Arnold for example. Try adding my full name of Joseph Scott Arnold Rasp Morehead Hunter Pickett Pickell Hocking Cunningham Mitchell Henderson Smith Bailey Williams. Try adding details about me that you know like Vietnam, Oregon, West Virginia, USA, Asia, Trump, Alex Jones, Tim Pool of Tim Cast, Steven Crowder, America, Hawaii, Salvation Army, Word of Life, Appalachian Bible College (ABC), Mea Omnia, Comcast Wanted Adventure Host, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, other websites, other places, other people, other things. Add key dates like the year I was born, 1985. Try different search engines. Search for a list of search engines and use them to look. Try many different words and combinations therein. Try quotation marks, the plus symbol (+), or try it without them. Try many different things. I may include some of this in articles about HOW-TO FIND ME. I may even include some of this in posts I publish relating to WHAT IF SOME OF MY LINKS HERE OR OTHER PLACES TOO TURN OUT TO BE BROKEN, WHAT DO YOU DO, HOW DO YOU FIND ME, HOW DO YOU FIND MY CONTENT, HOW DO YOU CONTACT ME, ETC, ETC? I may remove this paragraph in the future and simply include a link to where you can find this paragraph in the future on other pages, in other articles, posts, etc. For now, I decided to include this simple self-explanatory paragraph here.
The purpose of this post is to talk about how I'm sorry, that is me, Oatmeal Joey Arnold at Joeyarnoldvn on the Internet and elsewhere as well. I've been thinking about writing this article for years and I have a feeling I'm not going to be done with this today. I have many things I want to say on the topics relating to apologies, forgiveness, being sorry, having empathy, sympathy, realization, guilt, calmness, meekness, humility, change, repentance, retribution, a change of heart, etc. I'm writing this to, for, from, by, in, of, through, myself, others, etc. I want to try very hard to explain what I mean and don't mean regarding too many things to even mention here. I want this web page and the web pages to follow in this series to go in depth and to be for the record for historical purposes for my autobiography and a wide variety of things. I will not kill myself. I will not commit suicide. That is for the record too. I want people to understand who I am and who I am not. I want people to know where I stand on a variety of things. So, the objective to this post is mostly a placeholder as this serves partly as a conversation starter and starting point to my therapy and to that of others to any extent deemed possible. I encourage myself and others to add pages and chapters and articles to this ongoing "SORRY" series. I beg my future self to edit some of the content on this page to potentially move some of the paragraphs to other pages and posts and such in order to clean up this article in the future. I will try to include links to relevant articles and perhaps videos and other things in the future. I'm trying to outline a variety of things relating to my life which goes back to where it all started with my birth in 1985 in Oregon. Also, Sorry Not Sorry on top of that. I may also have Disclaimers as well. Some things may be Broken. Also, I may be Thankful for things and to people. This post here is boring but it serves multiple purposes. This article that you're reading is also purposely too wordy. I'm trying to really say what I'm trying to say in as many words as possible. But it's never going to be enough words. There are some things I am sorry for and some things I am not sorry for at the same time. I want to try to explain what I mean by that paradox. I am sorry to, for, by, of, in, through, because, on, over, regarding, about, etc, people, places, phases, times, principles, philosophy, things, themes, ideas, etc. I want to divide up the series into some of those themes. One post can talk about places that I'm sorry for. And another article can deal with just people. The URL could be sorry-people and sorry-place and sorry-principle and so on and so forth.
I've not always taken the time to explain myself to others in my life. It's hard to. My intentions is sometimes good. I mean, I would argue always good. But at the very least, I believe my heart is in the right place during the course of my entire life. I'm almost 37 years old as I write this in Washington State today in January of 2022. My birthday is next month. I'm in the United States of America, the USA, near Seattle. I'm not going to say I'm perfect but I will say that I try to help people. The older I get, the better I get. Looking back upon reflection on my life, I can see how I may have been too aggressive and/or many different things in situations. I'm sorry to people regarding these things. I have a long list of things I am sorry for. I am also not sorry for things. Perhaps, I may sometimes be sorry and not sorry for the same items all at the same time. So, take that for what it's worth. I believe in what I am writing and saying. I am aware of how what I write may sound crazy or any number of things. I am not exactly intending that people read this. But people can read this. But I am mostly writing this for myself and for the record. To use an analogy, I may have been a toothbrush. I may have ran towards people yelling, "STICK ME IN YOUR MOUTH NIGGER. FUCK YOU AND DO IT." That's crazy perhaps. Why would anybody say something like that? I was trying to think of the most offensive thing I could say. "STICK ME INSIDE YOU RIGHT NOW, GOD DAMN IT, YOU CUNT, YOU BASTARD, YOU BITCH, YOU GOAT FUCKER, JESUS CHRIST, IT HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU." I rarely swear when I write and talk. A toothbrush might help but being too aggressive might be too counterproductive or a variety of things. The perception and the first impression might be terrible. I wanted to stick with this toothbrush analogy or illustration at least for now. I may be right about wanting to brush teeth. But perhaps wrong regarding how I went about it. Perhaps, I was not even a toothbrush yet. So, that makes things worse. I want people to use me and yet I am not ready perhaps. I want to reflect upon my life. I want to talk people, places, things, principles, times, etc. I can justify actions I've made. I can have excuses and a wide variety of things. I am trying to summarize so many things regarding the last four decades and beyond. I am sorry for so many things. I am also not sorry for so many things. So, in other words, there is so much nuance here and a wide variety of things. So, I will try to link this post to future posts where I can tackle some of these things part by part. For the record, I want people to know that I think about things. I am sorry and not sorry. I have many things I want to say about that. I want to explain what I mean but it is so hard to. There were times in the past where I wouldn't say I was sorry and it wasn't always that I wasn't sorry at times. I would sometimes feel that admitting fault would distract from the bigger picture or a wide variety of things. I didn't want to change the subject. I didn't want to miss opportunities to make a difference. I was sometimes focused too much on justice. As I get older, I consider emphasizing more so on grace, forgiveness, love, etc. I'm not saying absolutely to always focus too excessively on grace over justice. But I am saying revenge can lead you towards a path of becoming Darth Vader in Star Wars. Sometimes, you may have the best of intentions and yet may be missing out on what might be better for your life. There may be more effective and efficient ways of doing some things. Yeah, it depends on the situation as always. So, pray and think about. Be sound on eternal principles, philosophy, logic, reason, intellect, wisdom, love, agape, patience, forgiveness, integrity, transparency, character, grace, humility, etc. That is so crucial. That is so critical. Life can be short but also long too. Make the most of things and build on things. That is what I am trying to drive at in this series. And it is tough for me to write some of this as it is so interconnected and dependent on so many different things, stories, situations, places, relationships, events, times, etc. I am writing all of this and I have a hard time knowing where to go, how to start this, how to express all the thoughts, emotions, beliefs, feelings, desires, actions, wishes, hopes, dreams, ambitions, advice, feedback, concerns, remedies, wisdom, foolishness, worries, inspiration, encouragement, etc, that I have regarding all of these things. I am trying to ever so lightly introduce you to the general outline of this series with as many words as I can think of. I'm trying very hard not to get too specific regarding the topics and themes and categories and subjects and genres at hand. I may have said or done things in my life that may have been too bad or too weird or too this or too that, etc. Like, so many different things. And I'm not here to say I care. But then again, I do care and I don't care. I really do care. But it's not that simple. I've had reasons and excuses for why I did what I did. I am sometimes wrong or a wide variety of things. I sometimes don't think about it and sometimes I do. I have operated under instinct, gut, emotion, passion, intuition. My soul has guided me without a filter at times. Perhaps you could blame some of it on my autism and/or many different things. Autism is a deep topic to explore and I have so many to say on that. But at the same time, I don't really have time right now to dive too deeply into that. In the past, I was sometimes scared I would become too famous or something. I kind of thought about it at times going back twelve years or longer. Well, I first started thinking about it in 1992 or 1993 when I was pretending to be Michael Jackson singing in front of people. I thought about being an evangelist when I was eight years old in 1993. I thought about being an astronaut that same year. In my teen years, I thought about being an NBA basketball player, an actor, a video game designer, and even a pastor. Those were probably the top things I thought about doing. I was a basketball manager in high school. I attended Bible colleges. I volunteered in a youth ministry and then also with The Salvation Army for a year in Revolution Hawaii. I worked in maintenance, food prep, carpentry, building, landscaping, painting, cleaning, gardening, dish washing, bakery, food serving, basketball youth ministry, AWANA, Word of Life, camp counseling for five summers, helped out at a youth group, did web design, was an English Teacher in Vietnam for five years. I write articles online. I make videos, memes, etc. During the course of my life, I've done so many different things. And in the middle of life, I would perhaps let myself jeopardize my own success and a wide variety of things. It's tough to summarize what I mean. I sometimes tried getting ahead of problems. There were times I was mocked by online trolls and/or different people at times. I've talked about some of it in the past. Online celebrities and personalities run into death threats and probably things much worse than some of the crap I encountered. I especially started running into some of it around 2009 on YouTube when some of my videos were getting over 10,000 views mostly because some guys in like Denmark or somewhere where spreading my videos or somehow I was just getting hundreds of comments of people talking about how retarded I looked. Some of those things hurt me at times to various degrees. I believe it can hurt even when you don't know or you can fail to recognize how it can hurt you. So, I mention that to say I am sorry for things. Perhaps I did things at times which was a reaction to some of that. And I got some people making memes about me on Facebook in 2013 in a group called Another side of Vietnam. That went on on and off for years until like 2019 or something. But I did a few things in reaction to some of that and to perhaps so many different things in my life. I try to do good in my life but I may not always be right in how I go about it. Therefore, I am sorry about some of that. My pledge is to be more patient with people sometimes. I am not going to say I will always be more patient or that I should even. I think ti depends on the situation and a wide variety of things. I may have mocked myself at times to get ahead of some of the hate I got online. And compared to the hate Trump gets, it's nothing. I've learned a lot watching Trump deal with bullying since 2016. I didn't pay as much attention to Trump before 2016. Also learned a lot while watching Alex Jones and others. I probably have a lot to say about my life in Vietnam for example. Some people might say I am not sincere enough when I say things like I am sorry and everything because I can say things like how I am also sorry not sorry. Like I am sorry but also not sorry at the same time. I might do some things all over again if I had to do them again and yet may be sorry for those things. I would do some things differently. It's hard to explain. I care about people and I am not happy when I don't keep in touch with people I've known in the past. I kind of want to write thousands of letters to people I may have wrong in the past. At the same time, you should sometimes not apologize to the left or to certain people or whatever. I need to find all of the synonyms and everything I can find relating to sorry. There are different ways to say sorry and thanks and many different things. I want this article you are reading right now serve as chapter one to this series of things. I should create groups relating to sorry and thanks and disclaimers and the list goes on and on and on my friend like the song that never ends.
Pick your battles. I am sorry to some people for some things at some places at some times or at times absolutely to an extent or to some extents and such. I was too impatient. I was too aggressive. Not always perhaps. But life is a puzzle. Life is a test. Life is so many different things. You might say in retrospect that some decisions and choices were not too bad or may have been excused or justified or not important to scrutinize and analyze. But it's not just about an individual choice in and of itself but sometimes about the process of being in the moment but also not lost in emotions or different things. There were times for example where I chose to yell at people. Some people lose their emotions and blow up. For me, I used to blow up when I was a kid. As I was approaching high school and as I entered my twenties, I was gaining control over my emotions as an actor and such. So, on one hand, that might sometimes be good. But on the other hand, what I did at times was perhaps worse than a man who suddenly blows up like a beet at kids in the 1990s in Cornelius. He learned from that, the lion's den. I learned from things too. Solomon talked about how there may be a time for a war and a time for peace. There may be times you should fight or yell. There may be times you should be quiet and shut the Hell up. So, perhaps I was right to raise my voice at times sometimes. But it can be argued that I was wrong to yell at times. I don't want to talk about the different people I yelled at right now. That should be saved for future articles. But that is a big topic for example. Also, I may be sorry for being too busy and/or a wide variety of things. I may have been too smelly, etc. Tyler Capp wrote an article about that some years ago. I wrote some articles in response to what he wrote about me. Perhaps some of it may not be true. It's a long story and it's an ongoing theme for me and people like me. I'm not the only person like that. I'm like Einstein who may have sat in his room for 50 hours straight working on inventions and ideas and theories without taking a bath. I'm a scientist like person at times. I'm not necessarily justifying some of the things I did. I can talk all day about why I did what I did. I may have felt like I needed to do some of what I did in the moment during key moments in my life or all throughout my life in general on top of that. I'm sometimes either too hot or too cold. I'm either too dirty or too much of a clean freak. I can be a control freak. I can be lost in details. I have a lawyer's mind or a doctor's heart. I get so busy sometimes. I can get so distracted at times which resulted in so many things both good and bad and variations in between. I may have regret in life. I may be contrite. I may be remorseful. I may have conciliatory. I have repentance. It may be rueful. Some of it might be penitent, atoning, apology, apologetic, regretful, expiatory, compunctious, propitiatory, appeasing, assuaging, irenic, pacifical (pacifism), mild, conciliatory, amicable, sorrowful, chastened, guilt-ridden, ashamed, self-accusing, sad, depressed, attritional, distressed, grieved, sore, aching, sorg, sickness, etc.
In this Sorry Series, I want to talk about some of the lessons I've learned. One of them might be relating to not forcing things too much or too aggressively sometimes, maybe, perhaps, it depends, but you know. Try not to force things sometimes. Let people fail. I might be sorry for trying to help sometimes. I might be sorry for so many things. I learn many lessons and stuff, to be continued. Sometimes, you might want to wait but live life and listen but love life and love but love love and fight but live love. Four things you got to do in life hands down.
TO BE CONTINUED
One way I can divide this series up is to begin with the previous century I was born in, the 20th century, I could continue with talking about the current century after that, the 21st century, the 2000s. After that, I could break it down to each decade of my life. That would take a while to break down. I am kind of not sorry about some things perhaps. I may be sorry about not making time for people at times. This is not absolute as I have been conflicted regarding many things. I may have links on this page to other series as well like for example, Thanks. I must remind myself to edit this page here to make it more to the point while linking to relevant sub-pages and such. This is more a home page. I want to distinguish between how I am sorry and not sorry. I want to try to distinguish between what I am sorry for and what I am not sorry for, the nuance, the details, the different things, people, ideas, beliefs, feelings, opinions, facts, thinking, theories, logic, hopes, desires, concerns, questions, answers, different points of views, perceptions, perspectives, paradigms, moods, emotions, feelings, temporary reflection, long-term perspective, relevance, nuance of the matters to different degrees, levels, avenues, ways, etc. This is an unfinished rough draft outline summary page and article titled "FIND" and the next chapter is titled "SORRY HISTORY" or Sorry-History. This page you're reading is not finished and there is so much more I want to add. I want to edit this page so badly. This article is probably mostly boring and probably too long. I'm sorry about that too. Sometimes you should say sorry and sometimes you should not. It takes wisdom to know the difference. Please continue reading the next article, the next chapter.